Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Helllllo Ding Dong

So i have attempted to post a few times since my last one but each time, i stop.
Nothing that i begin to type sounds right.
Im not sure if what i write tonight will sound right or not and this could get lengthy.
Here i go...
I have been in a bit of a funk lately. (and to top it off luke has been sick but thats another post)

In my last post i mentioned a weekend full of birthdays. My mom's and lukes birthday. I also mentioned in a previoius post my "barb-ing" out when i have a lot to do and i get stressed. (to learn what "barb-ing out" is see that post Here)

I felt stressed by bday planning, some financial business and my kids.
Not stressed because they (the kids) were acting like APES but stressed because Brady has been home with me for the last two weeks on Spring Break.
We had fun. I learned more about my oldest, who is growing so fast.
I really enjoyed conversation, projects and adventures we had.
I was not ready for him to go back to school.
I was sad. (I even told him, jokingly that he can't go back to school. He needs to stay with me for more adventures. He said "mom, i have to go to school. I don't even know what 1x1 is!")

Along with feeling the stress and sadness of Brady heading back to school,
Luke my little hurricaine, turned two years old.

I am having issues with these things.
I have felt some sadness with other birthdays or returning to school but these hit me hard.
I have done a little bit of thinking and this is what i have come up with.

*I think one reason is that over the last year or so i am finally at a point where i have the ability to really focus on my kids when we are together (no school, no pregnancy, no new job to distract me- just life). This something that i need to work on. Life gets so busy but those some of those things can wait!

*I think another reason is i have a friend who had a loss late in her pregnancy, twins. The loss for her has been an unspeakable pain. She has walked through something no parent should have to. Through her tremendous pain, she has held on to Him. To God. I don't know how anyone can deal with pain like that without Him. I was one of the nurses who was with her for her delivery. I was able to meet her precious babies, hold them and pray over them. It had a profound impact on me, as a nurse and as a mom. As a mamma, her little angels have reminded me to hold my babies a little tighter, take advantage of my moments with them. God is sovereign.

* Another friend suffered an early loss in her pregnancy. This friend is the little sister i never had.

*We had numerous sad situations at work this last year. Heartbreaking, painful things for families.
I know in my line of work, i see women all of the time who have suffered miscarriage, stillbirth, loss, etc. but at this time, at these moments, i am reminded of God sovereignty. Gods power. He is in control.....which leads me to my last thought about my sadness regarding my boys growing up.

*I always wanted 4 children. Then as i got a bit older and life happened, i thought that 3 would be fine and im not sure if that will happen. I never felt like i was finished having children with 2 BUT luke is getting to a stage where he is easier, im no spring chicken anymore and J. is not 100% on board with the idea of another one. This has been weighing on my mind. It has been bothering me that my luke might be my last babe to snuggle. 
Then it dawned on me.. Hellllooooo ding dong- He is in control. He has a plan. We can pray and ask God for what we want but he can give us something better. He can give us what we need. He might not reveal himself in the ways that we want or the ways that we think he should but He can give us the strength and courage to deal with it.
So although... this has been a bit of a funk and ive been a little sad lately, I WILL try harder to take advantage of the time i have with my little peeps and not be such a ding dong.
He has a plan.

Saturday, March 24, 2012


A weekend of Birthdays.
Today is my moms birthday
Tomorrow is lukes 2 nd birthday
We had lukes party today and then celebrated with my mom after.
This chic is T.I.R.E.D.

I had the rare opportunity to have some alone time with just my mom and sister, it was nice.
I have lots to say about my reflections on my birthday celebrations, family, friends and my sweet boy who will be turning TWO tomorrow (say it ain't so) but i am just too tired to put my thoughts into words that make sense, words to remember.

Too tired to even post a pic.
I will eventually post pics and deal with my feelings, just not tonight

Happy Birthday Mom.I love you.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Embracing it

Going to link up to Emily's site for Embrace the Camera again this week. (i can't believe its that time of the week again)

i posted a few pics yesterday from our trip to the Nature Reserve but i jumped into one or two of them so here ya go

 Im really not fond of any of the pics from this day but im so glad to be embracing the camera...
 To remember Luke cautiously trying to walk across the balance beam and Brady trying to help him.
Brady climbing through the log and he kept poking his head out of the hole and cracking up.
Brady excited that there is a wall at the Reserve called a "serpentine wall" and the LEGO ninjago characters that he loves so have serpentine- something -or others.
 My sweet baby Luke (who is going to be 2 in three days- im in denial) waved bye bye to the tiny caterpillar that we watched crawl across the log.

There is NOTHING in the world, my friends that is more precious than the time that God gives us to have these little people in our lives.

Embrace it.
Before you know it, these small moments will be passed.


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Only 24hrs in a day...

How can i never get everything done that i need to?

Luke's Birthday is right around the corner so i am feeling the pressure to get decorations, gift bags and party shopping finished. (but really, pressure from who? Pressure from myself)

Today i went to a total of 5 stores to get things and only purchased things at one of them (in two of them i had to abandon ship because my sweet, perfect boys were acting like APES and the scene was getting ugly)

My list of what i want to do each day is long...
My list of what i get done each day is short...

Sometimes its my fault
Sometimes i waste time doing nothing. Seriously nothing. Pinterest, facebook, a stupid show.

I always have the best intentions of being super mom and have grand ideas in my head about how many things i am going to accomplish but i have an ADD powered mind and somehow all of those things don't get accomplished
When it comes to an event...a party, a holiday i begin to "Barb-out" (at least that's what J. and i call it)My mom is Barb and she freaks and stresses before any event.
I hated it when i was little.
I swore id never do it.

Today I DID it.
I yelled at the little APES, abandoned ship and we went to play at the nature reserve.

We had a great time...until i lost my cell phone, luke had a meltdown and brady began to get upset because we missed the lesson at the pond and i began to realize just how much i still had to do today.

Didn't finish even half of it.
Maybe tomorrow...another 24hrs to try..

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Technical Difficulites part 2

okay so i am frustrated!!
As stated in previous posts, i am not a computer savy mama!
I switched to a new "dynamic" template and all it has gotten me is annoyed.
The purpose of this blog is for my outlet, my recording of life with my little sweets...
I probably won't be doing giveaways, or contests..just to meet with other mamas that are experiencing the same things as me, women that can help me grow as a christian, as a mom, as a wife.

I DO want the words i say to help someone else grow and SOOOO i am frustrated because when switching to the new template, most of my gadgets didn't transfer.
Why when all that is wrong with the world should i be so frustrated because my" popout player" or my "follow this blog with bloglovin" isn't on my blog anymore.
I tried to re-add them but no luck.
In the end, those things don't matter.
I guess i'll keep working on it....
after church, after the church fellowship bowling afternoon, after work tonight and after work monday night, after everyone is asleep...
ill work on it,

*any tips? email me

Friday, March 16, 2012

technical difficulties

 working on a few minor changes
having issues (not a computer savy mama)
kids are calling...

Snails,Crawdads and Frogs...oh my!

Linking up with Emily for Embrace the Camera !

J. only had to work for a little bit today-
Luke skipped his nap
We drove to a bike trail near our home that has a beautiful spring-fed creek (my parents found this creek and have been talking about it like it was the only creek in the universe so we decided to check it was a nice place to go)

We caught Snails, Crawdads and frogs...oh my.
We danced in the little freezing current.
We blew bubbles
We threw big rocks...and little rocks.

It's days like this that remind me how blessed i am to have the family i have.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Enjoying the weather.

was awake for about 34 hours took a little snooze for a few hours, now i am up !
20:44 (8:44 pm).
I need to go back to bed but i thought id post a few pics of fun times ive had with the nice weather and my little men.

Playtime at the park on a gorgeous day!

ignore the snot, milk and crumbs on his face.

luke watching the "tash tuk". He loves trash trucks.

uh oh, now he's trying to chase it!

 Brady and i had some time alone to eat lunch at a nearby lake and dig our toes in the sand (we love the beach...its the closest thing here in middle america)


Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Best Part of My Day

I am going to Embrace the Camera with Emily from The Anderson Crew today!
Here is the best part of my day.
Luke and i reading books before nap.
and a kiss to top it all off.

 Have a good one!

Monday, March 5, 2012


Luke will be two in 20 days!

Im not even sure how that happened. My tiny baby is going to be two....we are planning the party, he's talking up a storm, acting like a toddler and exploring the world around him-


What has been on my mind more lately is Brady...

Again, I do not know where the time has gone. How is my big boy such a BIG BOY?
He is seven.
We've had the intentions of raising him up to be a lover and follower of Christ.
Throughout the years we have gone to church, sunday school, fellowshiped with others from church, prayed as a family, talked about God openly & shared what we believe, what the bible teaches about some subjects, bought him bibles, veggie tales, bible study, etc.


I fear we are not doing enough.
I fear we are not doing it right.
I fear we are not leading by example enough.

I know we are guilty of not following through sometimes. Sometimes we don't pray before we eat (its true) we don't have bible study daily, we say things that don't glorify God, we don't do what we should do as christians...

I have been worried because he has not been as respectful as he use to be.
He has been whining. He has been a little agrumentative...It pains me to say, I have felt a little disconnected from him.(toinight he did offer to cook dinner with me= warm fuzzies)

I want him to be a follower of Christ. A good father, a good husband (and of course always, always love his momma like she is the greatest, only woman on earth...ok carried away)

Tonight I pray that God will guide us to be better christian examples for our boys, that they will see that He is the way and will stand strong in their faith.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it"
Proverbs 22:6 NASB

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Salty Self

Busy, exhausting few weeks.
Work has been out of control, babies, babies everywhere babies.

Literally, had no room at the inn...patients coming in labor and no more rooms for them.

At work it is not what we call "busy season" (yes there is a busy season for birthin babies)
BUT we have been so busy (good for job security, bad for exhaustion for staff and patient satisfaction).
I am getting ready to start a stretch of 3 days off and i am looking forward to it.
Needing a break.

Image Detail
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my job but....
during the last few weeks of my craziness at work, I have encountered many attitudes at my place of work. Not from patients, from staff and co- workers.
A few things happened that upset me a little, It got my mind a- spinning and those rusty wheels  a-turing.
Yes we have been busy, stressed at work BUT this did not all happen because of the endless amount of patients coming through the doors.

Working with all women is hard.
Why ?
 Because we are strong, opinionated, gossipy (i know not a real word) and insecure.

Why do we talk about others, quickly judge them, point out their faults?
Why do women stand apart when we should stand together?

Through a few of these experiences and listening to the sermon at church this past sunday, it occured to me that I am just as much to blame.

Gossip, judgement, lack of support, not showing Christ-like attitude or behavior.

This is NOT what God intended.

"Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person"
Col 4:6 NASB
(To speak what is spiritual, wholesome, fitting, kind, sensitive, purposeful, complimentary, gentle, truthful, loving and thoughtful.-also see Eph 4:29-31- seasoned with salt. Just as salt not only flavors, but prevents corruption, the Christian's speech should act not only as a blessing to others, but as a purifying influence within the decaying society of the world.)-Taken directly from The MacArthur Study Bible-

am i letting those around me see my salty self?