Friday, August 17, 2012

awake and on my mind

i have mentioned before about wanting another baby
it comes up in daily conversation with my job as a labor & delivery nurse.

when the little hurricane was born i felt like our family wasn't complete (and NO it is NOT because i have 2 boys and i want a girl)

in the last two years i have consistently felt like i wanted another baby and in the last 6 months or so i have been up and down on the thought.

Things why rock the boat...
Luke is a little person not a baby anymore (sniff sniff) No breast pumps, baby food, giant diaper bag not to mention,he only takes one nap a day. (that two nap thing stinks for running errands)
Brady and Luke have a good relationship and the family dynamic is good right now.
J. and i can go out on dates again (easier to find a sitter for two)
I am horrible at pregnancy

SO why am i having preganacy dreams? (this is why i am up at 3am right now...woke up after a pregnancy dream, now i am up)
maybe it is because i work with mammas and babies....

i love my kids with that mamma lion fierce-ness
i DO love the laughter in the house
the silly-ness of my kiddos and having dance parties
watching J.wrestle with them.
seeing them learn to walk and talk and grow into tiny humans
art projects with them and field trips to fun places
watching my boys be brothers to each other, teaching and learning from one another
big hugs, kisses and "i wuv you mommy"
breastfeeding in the quiet of the night when i am the only one awake with my tiny baby.

i love it when they are mushy little newborns, like they have no bones to hold them up!
i know i need to listen to myself from the last post regarding "the baby fever feeling".
that it is not up to us, it is up to Him. (although we DO play a role in the decision making, God is the one that decides to bless us with that tiny being or not)

like i said i have moments where i go back and forth on the idea BUT i have to remind myself that He knows the plan and it is what He sees fit.

No comments: